If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
