I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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