therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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