it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
