How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
