i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
