somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
false alarm. still invincible.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
