Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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