I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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