Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
