did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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