I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
