I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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