People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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