Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
