final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
