Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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