You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
