You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
