Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
