if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
