you turned your livingroom into a bong?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
