i think my mom watched the whole time
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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