operation harelip BJ is a go
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
