What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
