After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
