i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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