Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
