You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
