omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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