doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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