Don't you send me to vm
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
