I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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