cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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