Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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