i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
