She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
