Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
