I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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