dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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