lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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