he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
