Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
