She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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