I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
