Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
