I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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