Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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