The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
