capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
