Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
