you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
