I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize