Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
