I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
