You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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