As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Randomize
