like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
